This is a no-brainer and I cannot believe I did not think of it earlier.

It is going to be a big hit because it solves a problem in China and it also makes money. I am pretty sure that it is environmentally friendly (whatever that is) too! Everyone knows the days of low cost labor in China are limited. Pretty soon, college grads will be making upwards of a $1 U.S. dollar a day, eating into the taskmaster’s profits. If that wasn’t bad enough, China also has an ageing population to take care of. What to do?

Well, I have a solution! I propose using the elderly to replace all these young upstarts who want to get better working conditions, such as food and water. Instead of paying to put grandma and gramps in an expensive nursing home, why not send them to our special work camp—I mean, our special retirement community? No longer will their lives be meaningless. No longer will they be a burden on the family. They will live out the rest of their days among people their own age engaging in fulfilling activities, such as handicrafts: sewing Adidas soccer jerseys and footballs and sweatpants. They can stay healthy by walking on our giant foot-powered treadmill (patent pending). Our treadmill is specially designed to create electricity utilizing the environmentally friendly power of the elderly; our scientists estimate that eleven or twelve elderly people walking on the treadmill for several hours will generate enough electricity to illuminate my office. And when it comes time for Granny or Gramps to kick the bucket, we can melt them down together at our very own in-house iron smelting/crematorium for the low price of just $99.99 USD (ask us about group rates). Polaroids of Granny and Gramps smiling and waving goodbye before we smelt them down into bars of soap for the other workers are available upon request. Sure, they are old. Sure, they smell funny. Sure, they fill up their diapers with about two gallons of piss and dung per hour. But it does not mean they are useless. Give the aged loved ones in your life a reason to live by putting them to work in our sweatshop—I mean, our retirement community today!

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