As a foreigner living in China, I try to do the right things. These are some things I have learned NOT to do.
1. I do not test the alarm systems on the cars at my building by rocking them at 02:00.
2. I do not offer to shake hands after blowing my nose the Chinese way by placing the same hand over my nostril and letting it rip.
3. I will no longer kill and cook my neighbors’ dog then invite them over for a “special dinner.”
4. I do not urinate in the fish tanks in front of my favorite seafood restaurant.
5. I have stopped “accidentally” missing the sweet spot when defecating in my neighbor’s squat toilet.
6. When having dinner with my friends, I do not note that most of what we are eating would be fed to dogs at home.
7. When I hear a neighbor beating his wife I do not say, “She probably deserved it.”
8. I do not send garbage pickers on wild goose chases to find used Styrofoam or toilet paper.
9. I no longer give the local police a chilled watermelon from time to time “just in case.”
10. I do not point out that the words on my friends’ t-shirts are gibberish, and are misspelled anyway.